| HUSBAND: if i sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind? WIFE: That you are a HOMOSEXUAL. |
| Judge: you want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon? Wife: no ur honor i am divorcing him for threatening of every night with dead weapon. |
| What is the difference When A Girl Wears A Mini Skirt & A Boy Wears a Mini Skirt? Ans: The Girl Will Look SEXY & The Boy . . . A CHURCH BELL! ;) |
| Utility of Mangalsutra? Licence 2 enjoy Kamasutra without Condom.. Whats the utility of a Condom? Licence to enjoy Kamasutra without the Mangalsutra... |
| A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone. |
| Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration? |
| Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and can we multiply? |
| Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth which is 6? long and move it in and out and wait for a white substance to come out? Girl: y do u ask such question to me. i cant tell such words Boy:dont worry its tooth brush |
| A short thing its get longer as u hold it & pass between woman’s breast & enters into a small hole What is it? Ans. cars seat belt…u dirty mind |
| A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired, When her friends asked her what happened? She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, “I thought It was MONEY” |
| Always start your day with a lot of… S E X S – SMILE E – ENERGY X – XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE. |
| 2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said “Na my wife is better.” 2nd went in and came out n said “U R right ur wife is much better.” |
| I really deeply wish dat u r here with me in my room. on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch. |
| The word "Boob" is d perfect description & drawing 4 wat it symbolises U See, B : Top View oo: Front View b: Side View This is what we call drawing! :P |
| Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: “can kids of our age have kids?” Teacher replied ” NO Never!!” Boy said to girl : “see i told you not to worry!!!!”. |
| Girl:It’s 2 tight Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly, Gal:Push it in, Boy:Ah..I can’t, Gal:It’s painful, Boy:Forget it. . . . . We’ll buy new WEDDING RING! |
| A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin and say that i will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says NOW OPEN YOUR . . . . . . Books And Study |
| Let me kiss ur lips, let me feel ur teeth, let me feel ur tongue. SMILE! This is ur friend “PEPSODENT” reminding you to brush ur teeth, Twice a day Everyday |
| What’s an average 6 inch long Inside a guy’s pants and girls love to blow it up? ? ? ? ? A:1000- rupee currency note.! Always think positive |
| Love is a gamble, Sex is a game, Boyz do the thing Girls get the blame, 1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain 1 day in hospital and a junior needs a name |
| NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in HER MOUTH after BLOOD TEST. THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING . NURSE:y r u DANCING. SARDAR:next is URINE TEST |
| Catch her by her waist… Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a … …nice drink…PEPSI |
| 3 FEELINGS what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant |
| In a party a lady wanted to go to toilet so she inquired with a sardar papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao, sardarji replied u naughty pehle tum dikhao. |
| Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye Phir Stayfree ke ad ma cheating kyun? |
| Lastnite i went 2 bed without u.. cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u “lastnite” |
Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? Sardar: No this is her husband speaking… |
| Girl: condoms Dena.. Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra CHUTIYA paida na kare.... |
| Come here, take off your pents and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving yours…..toilet! |
| In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It’s Lifeboy Soap! Dirty people always think dirty. |
| Can we do romance in the midnight today? I’m in a good mood:) Just a little bit of kissing and biting!! Reply me soon, yours Loving Mosquito. |
| A man while making love to his maid, exclaimed ‘Pushpa you are sweeter than my wife’ The maid smiled and said ‘i know ‘cos the driver always tells me so’ |
| It’s the thing that satisfies ur mind, body & soul! Do it on bed, on a sofa, in the car or anywhere! It’s called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind. |
| Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you.... where are u stupid pyjamas.....! |
| Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS: “Me sick, no work” Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it” 2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet” |
| I want to suck you … lick you … wanna move my tongue all over you … wanna feel you in my mouth … yep, that’s how I … eat an ice cream! |
| What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT' |
| Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME! |
| A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 20-30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same? |
| Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between |
| Sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited) |
If you cry, I cry... if you laugh, I laugh... if you are happy, I am too... if you are sad, I am too... and if you are horny, call me. |
| Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up. |
| Ramdev: Beta, hamesha apne se badi ko Maa, choti ko beti aur barabar wali ko bhan samjho. Banta: Baba fir ye l**d tum rakh lo, Ramdev: Kyo Beta Banta: jadi-buti kutne k kaam aayega. |
| A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? ..... He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear..... |
| Johnny wanted to have s#x with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. " She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The idiot used coins!" |
| Man 2 Wife : Business is Going Down If U Learn To Cook We Can Remove Bavarchi Wife : **** If U Learn To f*** We Can Remove Driver , Gardner & Watchman ... |
| A MAN SAYS 2 HIS WIFE: TELL ME SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY AND MAD AT THE SAME TIME. THE WIFE SAYS: YUR d*ck IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BROTHER'S |
| A child on juice corner- Papaji koi aisi Machine nahi hai Jisme Juice dalo to Fal nikle? Father- Hai, Teri Mummy. Usme maine Juice dala to Tu nikal aaya..!!.. |
| A girl askz pappu Gril: Wo kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain? Pappu: legs Girl: wo kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai or meri pant main nai hai? pappu: paise Girl : wo kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye raat ko bistar pe karte hain? Pappu : neend Girl: Woh kia hai jo larki pehli dafa karwate hoe pain ki waja se roti hai ? Pappu: kaan main chaid(Hole) Moral : aap bhi apni neeat(intention) pappu ki tarhan rakhain SHukria! |
| A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member.’ He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line. “Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?” “Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons… |
| School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji Thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega.. |
Funny Laws of sex
> The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
> Nothing improves with age.
> No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
> Sex has no calories.
> Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
> There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
> Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
> No sex with anyone in the same office.
> Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
> A man in the house is worth two in the street.
> If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
> Virginity can be cured.
> When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
> Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
> The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
> Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
> It is always the wrong time of month.
> The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
> When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
> Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
> Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
> The younger the better.
> The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
> It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
> Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
> Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
> There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
> Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
> Love is a hole in the heart.
> If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
> Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
> Do it only with the best.
> Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
> One good turn gets most of the blankets.
> You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
> Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
> It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
> Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
> Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
> Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
> Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
> A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
> What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
> It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
> Never say no.
> A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
> Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
> Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
> Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
> A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
> Love comes in spurts.
> The world does not revolve on an axis.
> Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
> Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
> Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
> There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
> Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
> Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
> "This won't hurt, I promise." Send to Friends
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